Rainbow girl
One family tells us their story, and what it means to be included in Girlguiding
We want every member of Girlguiding to feel like they belong.
It’s why we have an Equality and diversity policy, training for volunteers on how to include everyone, and why we love to share stories from all our members on what it means to feel included. We hope it helps you as volunteers feel empowered to welcome everyone to our organisation.
We’re sharing the true story of Rainbow (all names have been changed), a girl who joined our youngest section and knew Girlguiding was a space for her.
Meet Rainbow
‘My husband and I are lucky enough to be parents of a seven-year-old girl, Rainbow,’ says Jane. ‘She loves LEGO, climbing trees, reading, playing with her friends and not listening to us when we ask her to wash her hands before dinner.
‘She might sound very much like your children, and she is the same, except when she was born, we assumed she was a boy.’
Rainbow is a transgender girl, and Girlguiding is a proudly trans-inclusive organisation. We have lots of guidance explaining what that looks like in practice. But it’s stories like Rainbow’s that best show what our policies and guidance actually mean for trans girls and women.
‘We often meet people who don’t understand how we, as parents, “could let our boy become a girl”', says Jane. ‘Did we want them to be a girl? Was it parental influence? Shouldn’t we have just told them to stop? Understandable questions. Perhaps the best way to explain it is walk you through our story.’
Jane and her husband Mike started noticing that Rainbow identified more with female characters, toys and books when she was 18 months old. ‘Some people suggested we just say no, encourage her to identify with the male characters, but how can you explain that to a young child? To what end? No to playing with toys she loved or characters she loved to pretend to be? It felt cruel to say no, to the say the least.’
'Hello I'm Rainbow!
I'm 7
Be who you are
Say what you feel because...
Those who mind
Don't matter,
And those who
Matter don't mind!'
Saying yes to the dress
As parents, Jane and Mike knew that they wanted Rainbow to be whoever she wanted to be, but they worried about other people’s reactions.
‘I never felt I needed to find a reason why my child couldn’t own a doll from the shop or why a scarf couldn’t be used to create long hair,' Jane explains. ‘Yet, what I personally found harder was when she begged me to buy a dress. No longer in character, but to wear as herself in public. No one wants their child to be the centre of supermarket gossip or to be laughed at by others.
‘The first dress: a summer dress covered in butterflies. She was so happy. I used every trick in the book for it not to be worn beyond our home. “It isn’t practical for scooting”, I said, hiding it in the wash basket. Deep down, I was ashamed of my behaviour.
‘Then Mike asked, “Why does it matter?” And of course, it didn't really matter – but I cared how people would perceive our little family. I didn't want to see the looks people gave my child or hear them snigger. But she was happy wearing the dress and beamed with it on! Without it she talked about nothing else. At least with the dress on, she could get back to being a kid.’
Illustrations: Hikimi/agencyrush.com
Understanding Rainbow
As she got older, Rainbow had more and more questions.
‘My child had always talked about the differences between boys and girls but her questions accelerated as she got older,’ says Jane. ‘One day she said to us in a quiet voice, “My real name is Rainbow”.
‘Until you’re in that position as a parent you cannot know how you will react. I could have laughed and said, “No it’s not.” I could have compartmentalised her life: “OK you can be Rainbow at home, but not at school." We didn’t take this route. Instead we asked, “Can you tell us a bit more about how you feel? There are some boys who like all the things that society thinks are for girls but know themselves to be boys, and there are some who feel like they are girls inside."
‘My child explained, “It’s the second one.”
‘At first, it felt alien. We made a few mistakes and wondered if it might change. We talked about pronouns and Rainbow wanted 'she/her’, so we focused on this at home too. With the changes we had made at home, she was very happy and the persistent gender questions stopped. But we knew we needed to go beyond our four walls.’
Joining Girlguiding
A lot of Rainbow’s journey happened during the Covid-19 lockdowns. When she went back to school after lockdown, she returned as her true gender, female. When Rainbow turned five, she told her parents she wanted to join Rainbows. All her friends were going, and she wanted to be part of the fun!
‘It was a club that my daughter really wanted to join but I was fearful of the response of the leaders and other parents,’ says Jane. ‘I remembered a comment from another parent at the beginning of our daughter's transition, believing that other parents would find her joining difficult.
‘When I contacted Girlguiding, the leader made it clear that we would be welcome. Knowing that our community had a space that would support us and our child made a difference, especially in the early days when it was all so new. They didn't treat her any differently to the other members of their unit. I was on edge for a few sessions, but the leaders were lovely and made her feel very welcome.’
Rainbow loved being part of our youngest section. She knew she belonged, just like every other member.
‘I really enjoyed Rainbows. My favourite part was the virtual sleepover we did - that was fun,’ she says. ‘Treat us respectfully and just the same as any of the other girls, because on the inside we’re all the same really!’
What you can do
We asked Jane and Mike what they’d say to any volunteers who were worried about ‘getting it wrong’ when welcoming trans members.
‘As a parent of a trans child, especially at the beginning when you have so many fears, you worry that your child will be excluded from both genders. Being treated as everyone else, especially in a gendered space, makes the biggest difference,’ Jane and Mike say.
‘Using wrong pronouns might feel like a terrible thing to happen, but the important thing is to correct yourself and keep going. If you see them as a girl, then using the right pronouns should happen naturally. Trans girls feel like girls and should be treated as such - as our daughter has said, they are the same on the inside, where it counts.
‘And if other parents ask questions, it’s important to remember that transgender members deserve privacy in the same way everyone else does.
‘I hope that by reading our story other parents will see how important it is for transgender girls to access the same spaces their friends do - they want to learn and play just like everyone else.’
‘Life is all about learning and striving to be better,’ says Jane. ‘All girls will have a chance to be the best versions of themselves if they are given the space to be who they are.’
Want to learn more?
Want to learn more? Read through our Including trans members guidance, and try out the Including all e-learning. If you need support or advice, remember you can always contact inclusion@girlguiding.org.uk for guidance.
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